Lifes Little Issues

Some times in life you have to do things you don’t want, say confronting people. Its part of growing up, later in life you will receive respect for your actions. I’m not saying attack everyone that has a different opinion as you but at times it’s best not let to let “Joe Blow” get away with being a jerk to you. I’m Mr. Blood Pressure these days, with it roaring on the super high marks, I can’t for the life of me figure why I can’t seem to chill out. Last night, I was going to go out with some friends and chill maybe play some pool but I couldn’t get myself motivated to move out of the house, so I called Luke. He had an interesting story for me: A cousin of ours was going fishing on Thursday to get away so he packed up his boat and jumped in his truck to his fishing destination, in route, he decided to stop and get a biscuit and coffee. The drive thru at 5 am had a monster line so he decided to park and go inside really quick, as he made his order he looked out the window to see this nice truck and boat drive off -- it was his. He raced out the door and jumped in the boat before it made it to the road, lying down on the floor he called 911. After twelve miles the police pulled the truck over; the guy just said “It was a nice boat and I wanted it”. Imagine the surprise he got when he saw Darbin in the back of the boat. After everything was settled Darbin drove off to fish the day away, with his truck locked.

Still something about Thursdays I say!

I’ve been a working fool for the last 3 days now trying my best to get caught up on a few things here and there. Being in the office more has made me more aware of the pettiness that travels on the inside. The other day we had a birthday party for a couple of people in our work group, loads of laughs and food. I was the cups, plates and forks man, and an easy job to do. I offered to cook something but they kept saying “that’s ok”, not sure if that was a comment on my cooking or just the fact that the utensils were enough on my part. Ok, the pettiness, for Chris of course I gave him a gag gift and I wrapped the box myself and for Bee I made a gift basket of soaps and lotions. I placed the items in the basket and put clear wrap and a bow with tiny flowers in it. The ladies were amazed that I could do something like that, one lady in particular likes to make snide remarks and jabs where ever she can, I usually ignore her. She popped off with a loud “Mark that’s beautiful!’ and then spoiled it with “I didn’t know you had the talent to be so creative”. Everyone gasped or looked at her like she was a fool, not just because I’m her boss but "creative" is what I do for a living. As I said, I ignored it but later found out Bee and Judy had words over it very loud, to the point of screaming at each other. From what I can gather it has been building up between the two and it was time to blow. This afternoon, I couldn’t keep my eyes open at my desk, thank goodness for customers calling to keep me motivated and awake, So tonight will be my cleaning ritual and maybe go out with Chris to play a game or two of pool……..I still have those bikes in the back of my head.

Wednesdays "woahhs"

Another beautiful day here, super warm, sun shine every where, the birds were singing and flowers blooming. I wanted to lie on the grass and walk by the pond and skip rocks. Ok, who is fooled by that? Nope, not me either; the day was beautiful and the sky was blue and warm but I was super crazy busy right after lunch today. I wanted a nap but the phone wouldn’t let me be; I wanted to day dream about my baby but people kept running in my office or tapping my shoulder. In fact, I just got home, tiz the season for sure now to be out of doors. My Amy spoils me rotten in fact someone told me today that I was going soft because of her (Chris) he works for me and is a super cut up and outrageously jealous of Amy. Or maybe it’s me he’s jealous of because of her; she’s perfect in my eyes and spoils me so. She tries her hardest to take care of me, doing searches on the internet about headaches and infections and my mood swings. I sound like some old man and I’m only 21 but she takes care and informs me on what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I much rather her worry about her own health and getting those allergies of hers in control, maybe getting into bed at a regular time while possibly sleeping and eating healthy. Right now I have the new bike fever so bad but wont take the plunge to purchase one, I keep doing searches and studies and comparisons on the 4 different ones I want. Nothing fancy or huge or super fast just a nice midsized cruiser with plenty of seat to relax and ride on. Maybe this weekend we can venture down and check some out.

Keeping my temper

My doctor told me the other day that I needed to control my stress levels or he might have to do something drastic. It’s not that I plan on waking up a wild-- foaming at the mouth idiot every morning, people just put me in that mood being rude or cruel or disrespectful to others. Yesterday, my little sister stuck her head in my room, afraid to ask me a question because I have been so short tempered, that innocent act put me in check. She wanted to talk about her boyfriend and what she could get him for his birthday. I choked when she told me what her classmates suggested she give him -- there goes the innocent act, I see the bars coming on her bedroom windows sooner than I thought. Luke called me this afternoon to give me some baby Kyle updates and Camen drooling. The weather is warming up so quickly that Julie felt it might be nice to put on some shorts and they all go outside – fine. She put some on Kyle and he looked down at them and then back up at her and snarled his nose “where are the rest of my pants?” She hit the floor laughing and had to call Luke on that one -- in which he had to call me. I see my PG in little Kyle every day. Update on my aunt, she did ok, well the doctor said there was no growth in any of the tumors but then again they didn’t shrink. So, she is being zapped again with the red dye and another bag of chemo, hoping this one might do the trick. Mom seemed please with the results anyway. Now, if I can keep it calm for a while I will discuss work here until I blow a gasket.

Another nice Sunday

This morning I woke up not really wanting to go to church or Gs but I forced myself to get up and shower to go. I thought we might be taking her out to eat but those plans were changed. So we ate there and I read the news paper and chatted some. My Mom and G were involved with making plans for my aunt tomorrow; it’s the big CAT scan day. My PG was having a long discussion about women with Jacks; thank God someone with sense might talk some into him. I made it in the truck early enough to hear from Amy, nice surprise for me. I was about to fall asleep on my Gs sunroom floor when I popped up and announced I was going home. Amy’s family of course was being a total jerk to her, so she bolted out to do some grocery shopping. I don’t know about you but if I were her I’d bring out the baseball bat and some rules. No one has to be treated like that, why can’t they see how special she is? The hard work she does for them and it’s not required. No where in the Life Lessons Book does it say the oldest sister needs to take crap off her ignorant father and two stupid younger siblings. If her selfish brother would see just how much she tries to take care of him while he’s playing the huge prick not wanting to help him and her temper tantrum throwing sister needs to wake up as well. Trace popped over for a while, he is a huge match maker trying to get Jacks hooked up with some girl here. This is strange because of the way Trace feels about relationships, he was just dumped for a girl without any reason. She left him a note and said goodbye without any warning. This has killed him on the inside, now he trusts no woman, only his music. For months he drank himself silly and was spiteful to everyone, slowly he’s come around -- he hates the internet and anything to do with it still so he blasts my brother daily. He’s still a good friend to me and will be a great singer some day.

Saturday ponderings

Friday was excellent even though I was still in my “mood”. I spent over 7 hours with Amy. Total heaven even though at one time I wanted her to “Just hit me” and get the lecture over with. LOL I’m kidding! I almost fell asleep on her around 3 am, having not slept or very little sleep was doing me in finally. I welcomed my slumber when it did arrive and woke up this afternoon with a huge smile on my face and every empty stomach, so I grabbed some food and my cell. She called of course wanting to know how I was feeling, I swear she spoils me and I want to be the spoiler some time. Right now I want to see the movie In Pursuit Of Happiness, for some reason I feel that would be a very inspirational one to watch and I need that little kick to get me going once more. I talked to Jacks this afternoon, I know, I know, I should keep my big nose out of his personal affairs but I can’t. I really feel he is being treated wrong right now. Since he spilled his guts out to her, he now ignores the neglect and just does his own thing, making me feel more sorry for him. He’s tutoring some girl in a math and she has a huge crush on him. He is so blind he doesn’t see it and only thinks of his current girlfriend, who in my eyes does not think of him in the least. I know in my heart that if you do love someone you should give them a chance but enough is enough in that department, now he’s looking foolish. Lori and I strolled on the beach for a while, it felt good to get out on the sand and feel the wind blow and know I didn’t have to pick up an object and work with it. She and I talked about Mom some; I think Mom has been a little too busy with her sister lately to take some notice of her little girl. My aunt goes for another CAT scan on Monday and her nerves are really tore up. This is the tell tail scan, since her last bout with the cancer the doctors put her on a new drug -- this is sort of the last resort drug. If the scan comes up clean or at least clearer they will continue treatments, if not then I don’t know.

I’ve said a few times;

I’m a hard ass not only on others but myself. Maybe I’m built that way, I don’t know but it is me -- people will just have to work around it because I sure do. Making mistakes are never in anyone’s plans, it’s never my goal to do but some how I seem to make them and when I do, they are huge. Take last night/yesterday; I have a Razor cell phone with a leather case. A huge fear of mine is to lend my phone out to some one and they notice the gunk buildup on it from the dirt and sweat from my hands. I’m on the phone constantly because that’s part of my job; the phone gets grimy and sweaty and needs cleaning. In which that’s what I did yesterday afternoon and failed to turn my phone back on -- I think. For the life of me I do not remember turning it back on, doesn’t mean I didn’t but doesn’t mean I did. Anyway, Amy goes ballistic that she can’t reach me half the night because the stupid thing is off. There I sat, cheerfully watching some movie about people breaking up and later in life finding happiness (Holiday) and waiting for my phone call, oblivious that it was turned off. Getting kind of worried me that I hadn’t heard from her, I check the time by my phone to notice it wasn’t on. I freaked, shouted words that would make Mad Max Pirate run screaming away from me. I dashed upstairs to message her like that was to be of some help. Jacks bounced out of his bed thinking the house was on fire asking me what the matter might be. I was angry and he heard it in my tone and sat quietly as I paced; she finally called me sniffling and in tears “I’m so sorry” is the only thing I could muster to say to her. She insisted it wasn’t the fact it was turned off but the offences made to her by her family earlier that upset her. One more reason why I should have been there for her instead of lounging around the house like some kid on spring break. I can’t get it out of my head my failure but hopefully it just will take some time. I have to make a new careful plan of action.

This week so far has been very busy,

well….it should be; it’s the first week of spring! Everyone is ready to work out of doors and clean that yard up. This weekend it’s supposed to hit around 80 degrees, I love it. Last weekend was just me sitting in my chair and enjoying the day and doing homework and occasionally catching myself up on studies. Monday I did take the day off, per usual, to spend it entirely with Amy ----- right!! We had our usual interruptions and I made a trip to Sam’s Warehouse to purchase a few items for that party for next Tuesday. We of course giggled and chatted the day away as always enjoying each others company, I did realize the other night she is the one I’ve been waiting for. She completes me in so many facets of my personality and life issues. Monday blew bye, the next day of work was total chaos with everyone in an uproar from pencils to the next big project. Today was just as busy with as many turns one person could even think to make, right now I could lie down and sleep but I have to wait for one phone call then I’m out the door. Now for my sister’s new man “Drew” pfft he thinks he has her attention.

Something about Thursdays I say!!

Today was a lax day for me and tomorrow will be as well. I jumped in my truck and blasted off to work; huge surprise, Amy called me early. It made my day to hear her so early. I decided since her brother and cousin were home to drop off at Sam’s and pick up a few items; she is so entertained when I shop. Failing to pick up three things for a party we are supposed to have on the 27th. I needed to purchase some clear forks and plates and for home some Swiffer mats. That’s where the something about Thursdays comes into play; I like to clean on that day. Maybe it’s because the weekend is near and I want that free time to do whatever, this weekend will probably be spent going for those items I forgot. I think having everything neat and orderly is about the only way to go, training from my parents helped us “If its found on the floor, its out the door” was our motto. After a few favorite shirts and shoes and an assortment of CDs and other items were lost to the trash bin I learned to keep my room clean. So I finished up my homework and worked on my chores around the house. My little sister must have had the cleaning bug as well; she was trying on spring like clothes and throwing the ones that didn’t fit in a bin for Goodwill. My Mom and her giggled as they tried last years smaller clothes. I actually heard Lori say “I can’t believe I wore this, it looks like a baby wears this”. My heart stopped; knowing this little 8 year old is growing up so fast; Jacks was busy finishing out his homework and about to go tutor some girl in a math class. I tease him about liking her and he turns red in the face and denies it. “She sucks at math” is the reply he gives me. Not everyone can do calculus in our heads mister! I’m semi tired right now so once I get everything in order I might lay down with my books and then roll over and sleep.

Gambling my life away

I have a terrible temper and a bad disposition with people in general, I think the worst of them. If they can do something wrong then its going to happen and if they can lay it on me then they will. I see it every day. My little sister is a crack up, she just turned 8 and is in the third grade she has a major crush on her teacher and a new boyfriend that is in the fourth grade. I say he’s tool old for her but she’s in total infatuation with him. Drew is his name; Andrew as a matter of fact, just to be the mean older brother I told her serial killers is named that. She wanted to know why someone would want to kill cereal. My gambling weekend was ok, a bit torrid on the trip down because I was worried about Amy and her strep throat. Amy insisted she was fine as she sniffled out a message to me on the phone and Jacks kept to himself --gambling his underage butt off. I was sure he found an internet station and was seeking out his fun, he didn’t; in fact, he spent a lot of time at the pool joking around with some of the ladies there. Trace, my best friend was in awe of him the whole time and how he kept his cool making them laugh and causally splashing them at the pool. I wanted to be home to take care of my baby and make sure she was ok. After the drive home, Sunday was my PG birthday, we had his favorite of ice cream cake and opening presents. PG and I stepped out to have a chat on things; some how he has a sixth sense when I’m in distress. It didn’t help me much I still have the anger and the doubts in my head on a few things, but nothing that is mine to resolve. Right now I just got off the phone with my sweet heart she sounds so good and happy to me, just the way I want her. I guess life isn’t that bad after all.

I can't seem to do anything right.

Miscommunications are a monster at times -- for me I can’t stand it when I do it. If things are stressful for me or confusing it’s the peak time for confusion to hit me. Tonight was that kind of night; actually the whole day. The majority of it was spent on the computer and phone talking to people in Nashville about a few projects there. I’m trying my best to not have to go up there and complete them. Then after, finally finished Cari came in my office all teary eyed to tell me about her wonderful day yesterday. He father has an addiction and she trying to help him, gave him a job to do around the house. She called to check up on him with answer so she asked her sister to go check in on him; he was lying in Cari’s 9 year old daughters’ bed, passed out from drinking two huge bottles of mouth wash. Needless to say she had turmoil at home when she made it. Today, she was distraught at work and needed to talk about it with me. We did, it bothers me to think she has to put up with that along with the fact her husband lost it with her dad and her as well over something she really had no control over. So I sat the rest of the day talking her down, making suggestions how to clean up the mouthwash all over the house. Then racing home to check on my brother and his love episode. I clearly messed that whole party up. Sending him in the wrong direction it was clearly my fault not applying much attention of the whole situation. My Pops found out about his skipping class tomorrow; my brother has a bad habit of being honest and a huge mouth. He’s missing out on a test as well, my Pops wasn’t very happy about that but I fear leaving Jacks home this weekend alone. In my “fun” time with Cari I failed to do a few things in the office so I raced back to work to complete that and I opportunity to chat with Amy some -- in my haste to get back to work I was short with her because her responses to me seemed to be too short. Her humongous younger sister was being a brat to her and that’s just one thing I can’t take. In one sense I don’t want to go on this trip; So right now I sit in a mood of sorts, should I stay or should I go? I will think about it.

A Perfect Monday? Of course!

So yesterday couldn’t have been any better, aside the fact that my computer was wonky and the phone died once and Amy was walked in on, the day was great. All night long I kept waking up to see what time it might be, then rushing to school and getting my homework I raced out the classroom door to be with her. I can not have a day that we don’t get to see each other; I don’t see how others do it. I love her so much and need her more, she’s my every thought, my only feeling -- everything. We laughed and snickered at things all day long while shopping for clothes; big mistake on my part because I cant shop very well and when I see something she buys it right away. I’m a thinker, a ponderer; when I see an item, I don’t buy it on impulse but look at it and think and weigh out the options. She however is head strong and wham buys it with out any remorse. I see who needs to have a hold of the purse strings in our family. I’m not cheap by any means; I just like to think things out first. She would see a dress and I would say “that’s nice I like it” and next she was wearing it. I learned quickly to say “that’s nice I like it, but don’t buy it”. Any way, we had a great day looking and laughing and trying things on. I went to sleep with a smile on my face. I wish I could have said the same for Jacks and his woman issues. As I said before, I felt he was going to have to come to a hard decision and it finally came to a conclusion, well step one anyway. He actually expressed how he was feeling and that he was hurt and felt neglected, not trying to be the tuff guy. We will see where this all leads since he spilled his heart out once more to a girl how he feels. He’s sure that she’s going to do like the last, be mad. If that’s the case, I would say adios and go on with life, a little unhappy for a while but it will get better. I thank God that Amy and I can talk and let our feelings be known to each other, yes, it might hurt the others feelings but we both feel its best just to let it out and get it in the open. I love you Amy may we have many more Mondays.

Sundays musings

I’ve been out of sorts these few days, not only because my stomach has been in uproar but my thoughts as well. Last night, after my last phone call with Amy, I decided to walk on the beach. I needed a coat; it’s quite cool here right now, only in the upper 40s. Maybe not cool to some but to me it is jacket weather. I’ve been thinking about Mom of course and how she is feeling these days. She and I talked a long while in the afternoon, her sister is improving somewhat but she has a long way to go. My aunt has taken steps back and forth on her journey to health. Mom said she feared she had given up, that she was too tired to fight the pain and sickness and just wanted it all to stop. Now the liters of discomfort are leaving her body and making her a bit more settled, she now can sit up without being sick. If she progresses then next week another bag of the red dye will be injected into her body to kill those cancerous cells. I think about Beth, why, do you ask? Because how ever an idiot she is and the stupid foolish act she’s has done, she is a person and she has been in my life. I guess, because in two short months a new life will be here, someone innocent. Her child, how she will provide for it? None the less, it’s hers to take care of. She came for a visit a while back and suggested she might give it up for adoption. I didn’t feel like going to church today and neither did Jacks so we sat around and did our own things. I watched Lord of the Rings and Jacks worked on his home work. Both of us quiet and in our own thoughts. He has work and women toying with his mind these days and I feel a hard decision to make very soon are in his future. In his own personal life he wanted to walk out last night and forget it all too many games and heart aches. Amy is always in my thoughts; she works too hard and won’t accept that she does. Keeping oneself busy is a fine art but to do it to stay away from annoying family is another? In my mind, I see her hiding from them and the irritations they give, some easy way out while the problem only persists and grows. Nothing is accomplished walking away; even I have to learn that. Luke called me this morning checking in on our weekend excursion of gambling. I hope the weather is good enough to ride or bikes, I want the air to whistle past me. This is my way of giving up and walking away. Who am I kidding it’s just a small get away something for laughs. I want and need the break from everything and I think I deserve it.

Saturday night boredom

So the party begins, this weekend I decided to stay home the whole time just to rest some and prepare for next weekend and the big gambling trip. Friday afternoon I tried my best to meet my little sister’s boyfriend at school. She balked on that and pushed me in my truck to leave the school grounds and let’s get her dinner. I pestered her to tell me why I couldn’t meet the famous man that shoots milk out of his nose and stole her heart. If he hurts her I will come down on his neck.
Amy is a working machine this weekend, stopping at one job and going right to another; and she worries about me being over worked.
Kyle, not my father Kyle, is in total love right now, his little girl was born last week and that’s all he talks about. I can’t blame him for being proud of her. He now has a full billfold of pictures of his little Roxie, that’s right he named her Roxie -- I think it’s a grandmother’s name. He stopped by to let my Mom hold her some since he’s not been in church and won’t be tomorrow either. Mom’s eyes just glistened as she cuddled her and Roxie just cooed right back at her.
I’m beat and worn completely out and I don’t know why. I haven’t lifted a finger today doing anything. I have homework to do or at least I should be doing it but things are just on my mind. I’m in that “pondering” kind of mood again and fear a huge blog or rant coming on soon. We will see…….