I’ve said a few times;

I’m a hard ass not only on others but myself. Maybe I’m built that way, I don’t know but it is me -- people will just have to work around it because I sure do. Making mistakes are never in anyone’s plans, it’s never my goal to do but some how I seem to make them and when I do, they are huge. Take last night/yesterday; I have a Razor cell phone with a leather case. A huge fear of mine is to lend my phone out to some one and they notice the gunk buildup on it from the dirt and sweat from my hands. I’m on the phone constantly because that’s part of my job; the phone gets grimy and sweaty and needs cleaning. In which that’s what I did yesterday afternoon and failed to turn my phone back on -- I think. For the life of me I do not remember turning it back on, doesn’t mean I didn’t but doesn’t mean I did. Anyway, Amy goes ballistic that she can’t reach me half the night because the stupid thing is off. There I sat, cheerfully watching some movie about people breaking up and later in life finding happiness (Holiday) and waiting for my phone call, oblivious that it was turned off. Getting kind of worried me that I hadn’t heard from her, I check the time by my phone to notice it wasn’t on. I freaked, shouted words that would make Mad Max Pirate run screaming away from me. I dashed upstairs to message her like that was to be of some help. Jacks bounced out of his bed thinking the house was on fire asking me what the matter might be. I was angry and he heard it in my tone and sat quietly as I paced; she finally called me sniffling and in tears “I’m so sorry” is the only thing I could muster to say to her. She insisted it wasn’t the fact it was turned off but the offences made to her by her family earlier that upset her. One more reason why I should have been there for her instead of lounging around the house like some kid on spring break. I can’t get it out of my head my failure but hopefully it just will take some time. I have to make a new careful plan of action.