Sundays musings

I’ve been out of sorts these few days, not only because my stomach has been in uproar but my thoughts as well. Last night, after my last phone call with Amy, I decided to walk on the beach. I needed a coat; it’s quite cool here right now, only in the upper 40s. Maybe not cool to some but to me it is jacket weather. I’ve been thinking about Mom of course and how she is feeling these days. She and I talked a long while in the afternoon, her sister is improving somewhat but she has a long way to go. My aunt has taken steps back and forth on her journey to health. Mom said she feared she had given up, that she was too tired to fight the pain and sickness and just wanted it all to stop. Now the liters of discomfort are leaving her body and making her a bit more settled, she now can sit up without being sick. If she progresses then next week another bag of the red dye will be injected into her body to kill those cancerous cells. I think about Beth, why, do you ask? Because how ever an idiot she is and the stupid foolish act she’s has done, she is a person and she has been in my life. I guess, because in two short months a new life will be here, someone innocent. Her child, how she will provide for it? None the less, it’s hers to take care of. She came for a visit a while back and suggested she might give it up for adoption. I didn’t feel like going to church today and neither did Jacks so we sat around and did our own things. I watched Lord of the Rings and Jacks worked on his home work. Both of us quiet and in our own thoughts. He has work and women toying with his mind these days and I feel a hard decision to make very soon are in his future. In his own personal life he wanted to walk out last night and forget it all too many games and heart aches. Amy is always in my thoughts; she works too hard and won’t accept that she does. Keeping oneself busy is a fine art but to do it to stay away from annoying family is another? In my mind, I see her hiding from them and the irritations they give, some easy way out while the problem only persists and grows. Nothing is accomplished walking away; even I have to learn that. Luke called me this morning checking in on our weekend excursion of gambling. I hope the weather is good enough to ride or bikes, I want the air to whistle past me. This is my way of giving up and walking away. Who am I kidding it’s just a small get away something for laughs. I want and need the break from everything and I think I deserve it.