Sweet hot weekends…

It was a pretty good couple of days for me this go round. Friday night as I was about to go to bed, a group came bounding on my deck wanting me to come out and sit a while and chill, a mistake to make if you want to go to work the next day. The next door neighbor/friend of mine came out with guitar in hand to serenade us a while, which made it more enjoyable and easier for me to stay up even longer. Saturday I planned on doing nothing since my work ethic for the day was blown, I chose to get on a chat site. This is the whole purpose of today’s rant, this chat site of adults. Key word here is “Adults” folks; you have to be over the age of eighteen, some people would assume those at least over that age might have a smidge of sanity in them. In the past six months or so, I’ve never met so many pixel sex crazed individuals. Just as in the non virtual world there are dramas, game playing, cheating and lying, backstabbing and all around gossip and a smattering of stalking. I’m not knocking it, I like to get online with my girlfriend of three years and tease with her, but that doesn’t mean soon as she signs off I’m on the hunt for another menu driven thrill. Ok, that’s well and good, makes you a well rounded person -- I guess, but what I can not grasp in this whole process is the majorities of these individuals on that site are MARRIED and have children. Both on and off the site! If I was to be married and knew my wife may get it on with another man/woman in pixel land, don’t think I wouldn’t come down on her but fast. Then I would be worried that whatever it is I’m not doing making her happy and try to rectify it. To me, that is just cheating, to some it’s a game, nothing more than a super role play. Age doesn’t matter on there; my brother is of the minimum age requirement and women over the age of thirty, foam at the mouth for him. He however doesn’t get it and just like myself can easily get attached to people, taking it all in as serious; while they play out their little fantasy games to sign off and go to bed with their spouse. Are we all that desensitized about life, not only in murders and slaughtering from the internet and Movies/TV that we are the same in our personal relationships? It matters people, there are some out there that still have feelings about others -- Pixilated or Non. Believe it or not, there is someone behind that mouse and keyboard.

Summer days... Why aren’t they lazy?

The last few days have been extra busy with family at the house, staying longer than anticipated. Work has been booming with the nice hot weather putting everyone in the “I want a pretty yard” mood. Bee and I have been working diligently on outdoor displays and some late summer ideas around the greenhouse. Her mind works as mind does – constantly. I’m enjoying the nice breezes and late afternoon storms that blow up and make the day interesting. At home everything is somewhat calming down, just the occasional outburst of drama. Mom looks tired even though she says she is fine, G even mentioned it off an on the last few days to her. Lori and I are half way in the book Harry Potter, she either hits Jacks or I up for the big words. It’s cute to watch her on the deck lounging with a book in hand trying to look all adult like. I came home today to find her asleep in the chase, dreaming of Harry. Amy and I catch each other when we can; lately it’s less and less of the catching and more of the missing. “Whatever”, we are both busy and I plan on being more so until the end of the year now.

Tuesdays, the other Hump day

Family is here enjoying the heat and will be here the majority of the week, Pops is leaving Wednesday to go back to the Gulf, I think Mom and Lori will return on the weekend to join him. After the funeral on Friday things should settle down around the house. I have so much work piling up on me right now but it’s a good piling up. Lori and I are currently reading the latest Harry Potter book -- book after book the story gets darker and darker, as if JK were to be venting to the world. Julie the little girl next door insists on coming over to sit and read with us, something I don’t mind. The whole time she stares at my brother Jacks with a dewy eye, she’s always been in love with him and he oblivious to her affections. Mom and I had a nice chat last night about how she felt about her sister passing away. Of course she’s hurt right now and worried about her family but they are close and will pull together. Tomorrow will be mostly outside jobs again as it was today. Kind of beat right now and ready for a nap and this is going no where.

My heart aches

Inside my soul cries out in pain for the loss of a loved one -- my aunt, my Moms older sister. I couldn’t look at her lying in that coffin, it would have just been a shell of a woman anyway. I think my grump nature was blown out of proportion today, speaking with Amy on the phone at first (multiple interruptions) and then a while longer on a new favorite chat site. Her little AV would go (away) what seemed every two seconds. I needed to talk to her but not like this, so I decided the best was for me to exit out of the chat before I became hateful and just be in my mood alone. We are southern, so viewing the body usually comes pretty fast here, along with the burial, which is tomorrow morning. I hated to walk into that chapel and sit, it’s the same one Dee lie in before her funeral. I know my little brother was thinking of his old girl friend that whole time. He sat with his head down silently sniffling to himself and watching his little sister color. Mom was inconsolable for a while, being they were such close sisters, my Pops tried his best to ease her pain some what. It sickened me to see him trying to be so charming to her and not 2 hours before he berated Jacks for not going to Paris and the trip to Cabo. My little sister sat most the time and later pulled at my cuff wanting to go outside to “have a talk”. I obliged her, I could see she had some questions and Mom has told her time and time again she’s not the quietest whisperer. She of course wanted to know if this could happen to her Mommy and told me I’m the big brother and to stop it. All I could do was scoop her up in my arms and the tears fell from my eyes, possibly because I missed that brat so much or maybe it was just the days events. I quickly wiped my eyes and pointed to a ice cream vending machine, nothing like ice cream to cool you off. Going home everyone was silent, Lori ran to find her kitties and Mom and Pops sat in the living room, I sat on my deck and Jacks to bed. I’m sure tomorrow will be even more of an adventure.

Saying goodbye...

This morning, working outside in the hot moist air I thought about things about life of course. When I am able to work outside and alone that’s when the thinking begins. Oh sure, paying attention to what I am doing is a plus but sometimes I get lost in my thoughts. Maybe that’s a young person’s escape that doesn’t do drugs and occasionally has copious amounts to drink on weekends. Thinking back on the last couple of years of my own life and where it’s gone, being so sick and how much I have improved in my own health. I was proud of myself for going through that and more so proud of my family with their support. Not that I had some incurable disease, mine was just poor lack of judgment on my part and thinking I had superhuman powers. My phone rings and it’s my cousin crying her eyes out, “mom might not make it through the weekend”. My heart sunk and I dropped my tools, Hospice is with her right now and they pretty much know what is going on with their patients, or so we thought. Through her sobs I tried to tell her I’m here for them and just keep me informed of the situation, I was dreading making the phone call to Mom. I called her trying my best to put the words to her easy, hating the idea that I was the one to hurt her. She took it well and said they would pack and be home by tomorrow night at the latest. I asked what I needed to do and she just told me to pray. This in turn made me think of my Moms own mortality with her cancer as well, how would I cope or handle this kind of situation? Now was the planning of what to do this week, shuffling appointments and schedules. I called Jacks to let him know we may have a bad turn of a weekend and just to be prepared for it. About 45 minutes later the phone rang again, same cousin, with the same sobbing voice, she whispered to me “she’s gone”.

I cant worry about another one!

So I’m enjoying the night, its storming and I’m on the phone with my brother talking about old times. Talking about old times? I sound like my great grand dad on his back porch watching the grandkids. We enjoy reminiscing about all the fun we had growing up and I wish every memory and happening to be given to his two children -- ten fold. Upstairs I hear Jacks rambling around, he’s not well with a stomach ache and worries that he shouldn’t really worry about. I clambered off to bed and slept like a log and woke to Jacks just standing in the living room in a daze. I asked him what he wanted for breakfast and he answered with “Kermit the frog” Oh funny funny man!! But it was slurred as well, just as I turned to him his pale face met mine and he rolled back and hit the floor. Banging his head on a chair arm, I freaked out and grabbed him up. After what seemed like forever his eyes rolled open on me and asked me for some water, nope to the emergency room we drove. He was exhausted and malnutrition, the doctor suggested bed rest and to feed him some solid foods give him a couple aspirin after he ate and sleep. Granted we haven’t been eating the best while the parentals were away, in fact I can’t remember the last thing he ate with me. I sat in the emergency room and shook wondering if I should call Mom this time and let her know or even worse -- G. I think tomorrow I will call G but not today, even I cant take my grandma right now. He’s sleeping at the moment I made him eat some beef stew with a ton of crackers, it took a while for it to go down but he did it. Then tomorrow another doctor for him just to chat and check up on. I have to get him fixed no more of this he’s killing me as well. So today is another off day, well used however. I am going to have a chat later with Mr. Jackson.

Reunions & Departures

This weekend was a mix of things ranging from the good to the bad. After my good luck at the casino I rested and worked on minor things around the house and literally enjoyed myself. Friday night we received a phone call stating my aunt isn’t doing well and Hospice will be coming in daily to take care of her. I drove over Saturday to give her a visit to find her looking so poorly, no hair or any color; her lips were blistered from being sick so often the stomach acid was wearing them out. I left depressed and selfishly worried that some day I might have to see my own Mom in that condition. Sunday was the huge family reunion on my PGs side of the family. Over 200 people came including my sick aunt; she stayed in the house where it was cool. We however, had to endure the heat with huge fans blowing on us and some large party tents to sit under. Jacks and I rolled in on our motorcycles just for the heck of it, we were the only ones from our branch there, Mom and Pops and Lori were still in the Gulf, Luke and his clan just didn’t make it. Another one of my aunts insisted we sit with them during lunch; we ate so much food I wanted to nap on the ground. I saw my two smaller, 4 year old, twin cousins who think I’m a jungle gym the majority of the day, they kept me awake. Their Mom and I chatted most the afternoon; she’s easy to talk to and helped me out with a few things, mainly my brother Jacks. This time we exchanged phone numbers and emails so we could keep in contact as we had promised to do last year and didn’t. Later, they of course did the ritual of dunking all the newest in-laws in the family in a huge tub of ice water; I’m sure a welcomed cooling off. Monday I helped clean up at PGs, picking up garbage, taking down the tents then replacing soil and grass where it was worn. This whole time Jacks has been on my mind, something is grinding at him and I can’t put my finger on it, it will come out eventually I’m sure. Its not that I am his protector or boss, but I care about him so much, and I see him worry and struggle with things I know I could help him with if he would just give me the opportunity.

Fridays musings

So the 4th was fantastic, hoping to get my little brother out of the house and gambling and myself just away for a while. I needed the break and didn’t really see it until about 4 hours on the road. Tuesday night we packed our bikes and set out for the adventure. Chris pulled in last minute to make the trek with us as well. I loaded my MP3 player with new tunes and settled down for the ride. Half way out we hit rain but with a quick pull over and change into rain suits we were on the way again. Made it to the casino about breakfast time. I was starving and wanted a sit in the Jacuzzi with a beer before we gambled the day away. Jacks was abnormally quiet, figuring because he doesn’t really care for Chris that much I was hoping that might be the issue. We gambled and chatted and ran into some old family friends and stood and talked a while, they wondered how Jacks made it in here since he’s not of age. As we talked I decided to put in a 20 in a dollar slot machine just to pass the time and fiddle with something, about the 3rd pull I hit the jackpot of 4800 dollars. The lady I was talking with at the time said “Oh my Mark I think you just hit it big” I did! That helped on the trip the bells chimed and lights blinked as if I won a million dollars. I felt like I had. Dinner was on me. We stepped out for a while to watch the fireworks and I thought of my baby and hoping some day this would be us. I’m in no hurry, things are perfect for us as they are. Today, I sit at home and just reflect on life, its storming outside and I don’t want to move. I’m counting lightening strikes and how far away the storm is. Knowing inside my brothers head and heart the storm isn’t far, he’s many battles to conquer before he can move on. A update on Mom, she seems to be better but weak the injections of vitamins and fluids put her back. They wont be coming home early from their trip.

No news isn’t always good news

The other night my Mom and I were talking on the phone and she kept complaining she was exhausted even from doing nothing while on the beach. She said Pops was trying his best to keep her comfortable but the heat and running around was really getting to her. This morning I had a pleasant phone call from the Jerk (Pops) telling me Mom is in the hospital down there for some treatments. I don’t like it -- that’s she is so far from her regular doctor and of course G is in a panic and wanting to come down there straight away. Mom insists that everything is fine that she’s just over doing it and needs the vitamins and fluids pumped in her body to replenish what she has lost. This might cut Lori and Moms summer of fun in the Gulf with Pops short. PG says running down there to take over isn’t going to help matters, just will be an insult to Mom and Pops, so they stay put. Now, I’m not so sure going to Tunica for a few days is a bright idea, Jacks is all in a lather over it, I think deep down he really misses talking to someone and getting that female perspective on things as he did with Mom. Ever the trooper she wants us to go and enjoy ourselves and if anything happens we will be the first to know, besides we will be about 12 hours closer if something does occur. If I can get Jacks to calm down and assure him things are fine, then the trip is a go, if not, then we can shoot fireworks here at each other like we did as kids.

Wild weather weekend

I like rainy days when they come in spurts, not super huge monsoon down pours. This Saturday I worked the majority of it trying to get payroll for office and field crews ready for Tuesday. The whole place will be closed until Monday, just because we can and it’s a holiday. With phone calls, people dropping in and the occasional customer made it a whole days worth of work. Later that night I let off some steam going out with my best pal Chris, that guy never ceases to amaze me with the hair brained party schemes he comes up. This time it was a “mermaid costume party”, anything to get a girl half naked. I never saw so many fins in my life; he was trying his best to de-fin each one of them the whole night. I think the best is when he made a move on Bee, he found out the true taste of fish. That girl has some fire in her and won’t put up with his games and he found out quickly. I spewed my beer all over the place watching that drama. Sunday was spent with G and the crew making ready for the 4th of July party she plans on giving for the church. This is one party I won’t be attending -- nor Jacks, I saved him as well from that dread; we plan on taking a bike trip over to Tunica to spend some hard earned money there and laugh it up. If Mr. Merman can get his bike in tune by Tuesday, Chris plans on tagging along for the yucks.