My heart aches

Inside my soul cries out in pain for the loss of a loved one -- my aunt, my Moms older sister. I couldn’t look at her lying in that coffin, it would have just been a shell of a woman anyway. I think my grump nature was blown out of proportion today, speaking with Amy on the phone at first (multiple interruptions) and then a while longer on a new favorite chat site. Her little AV would go (away) what seemed every two seconds. I needed to talk to her but not like this, so I decided the best was for me to exit out of the chat before I became hateful and just be in my mood alone. We are southern, so viewing the body usually comes pretty fast here, along with the burial, which is tomorrow morning. I hated to walk into that chapel and sit, it’s the same one Dee lie in before her funeral. I know my little brother was thinking of his old girl friend that whole time. He sat with his head down silently sniffling to himself and watching his little sister color. Mom was inconsolable for a while, being they were such close sisters, my Pops tried his best to ease her pain some what. It sickened me to see him trying to be so charming to her and not 2 hours before he berated Jacks for not going to Paris and the trip to Cabo. My little sister sat most the time and later pulled at my cuff wanting to go outside to “have a talk”. I obliged her, I could see she had some questions and Mom has told her time and time again she’s not the quietest whisperer. She of course wanted to know if this could happen to her Mommy and told me I’m the big brother and to stop it. All I could do was scoop her up in my arms and the tears fell from my eyes, possibly because I missed that brat so much or maybe it was just the days events. I quickly wiped my eyes and pointed to a ice cream vending machine, nothing like ice cream to cool you off. Going home everyone was silent, Lori ran to find her kitties and Mom and Pops sat in the living room, I sat on my deck and Jacks to bed. I’m sure tomorrow will be even more of an adventure.