Crazy mad

You know at times I have to sit back and laugh at myself “I wont let anything get under my skin again”, what a joke that statement is.
We all have emotions; however diverse or extreme they may be, it’s the way we handle them that shows what kind of champion we are. I’m speaking of my brother and his girlfriend and how I dealt with a situation which I felt didn’t warrant the response I received.
The worst of it was that I didn’t handle the situation properly on my end; I should have stood my ground and explained myself, even if it meant screaming or throwing out four letter words to get my point across. Instead I chose to just walk away and let it fester inside of me. Agreeing that I was rude one and accepting that I was out of line (however, in reality I was neither). Anyone that knows me and my temper would surely know that isn’t a good plan of operation to attempt, more so to get in my way afterwards.
The terrible part of it, that’s over something very minor, so trivial that it was stupid. --Wanting to spend some time with my two brothers, for one night, something we have done since childhood.
Its like making a promise to the people you graduate with “Sure, we will keep in contact just like we do in school” only to have time and distance pull you apart. Granted we are (supposedly) all adults now and have our own lives to lead and others to think of. Taking time off to spend a day with family should not have bankrupt any economy, turn anything into a world war, or made the earth go off its axis, apparently I’ve been mislead and it will.
So this whole weekend, after making a promise to myself not to let problems carry on and bother me, I let it. I cut myself off from Jackson, on top of that everyone else to dwell in my self pity.
Friday I was angry, not so much at them but myself for letting it get to me. Snapping at people or not talking at all. I have to tell you digging holes is good therapy and would suggest it to anyone. I didn’t go out that night; sitting looking at what I think was the TV. Saturday came the hurt of knowing someone I cared about didn’t seem to care or was eager to drop me like a worn out shirt for some one else with no after thought. So I spent that day in the office looking at my desk and the four walls not accomplishing anything. Bee attempted to talk to me but it was of no use. Sunday was a day of numbness; I sat on the deck all day drinking tea, planning my work week and talking to Luke and becoming angry once again.
This morning I woke to the realization that things have permanently changed and life does and will go on. I can’t be my brothers’ keeper all his life, he has to make his own choices and learn from his actions. God be with you. We all have our “significant others” in our lives now. I also know in my heart I can’t cut out anyone how ever hard assed I try to appear. Eventually it will be straightened out but do not plan on making any arrangements in the near future that would constitute pulling someone away from another individual. It’s a fact of life and I see where I stand with them. Do I seem bitter? Yes, and I will be for a while but life will carry on.
Today, I plan on going back into my daily routine of work; the office is semi quiet with everyone off for the holiday --- spending it with family. I’m going to man the phones and then do a few trips around to see the job sites then return home.
Speaking of home, I really need to get in gear on building mine; I need some priorities that concern me and only me, instead of trying to do for others. The lot needs cutting and grading down for the house, I plan on having a smooth eye appealing lot. Can’t have a shitty yard and me being a “lawn boy” now can I?

Weirdness

I’ve had a crazy long week so far with so many jobs going in just as many directions. I’ve scheduled everything out, making sure it all runs smoothly. When I do make it home, it’s a shower and small dinner and right off to bed. The heat is terrible so the earlier your day starts the quicker it can end on the hot jobs.
What’s really buffed me is that some people think they are above my job and my schedules. I’ve had so many friends to call me during working hours wanting to chatter. Where were these people during the slow season? Trying to explain to someone that you have been up since 4 am and to accomplish a job some times doesn’t come clear to them. The majority of my friends their parents support them or they have weekend or part time jobs. One had the audacity to say “Oh, I read your blog and I see you are busy, but that didn’t include me” Well, come on! I set my phone to ring tones and when the proper one rings or a strange one I pay attention, otherwise I continue my work. I think that’s more tactful then being rude and short with people that just don’t get it. Then I can say “Oh I was busy when you called” there’s no lie in that it’s all true.
Monday and Tuesday were meetings with the City on a clean up project they wanted to start. Not to mention it’s hot as hell now here they want to add more hours and jobs on our plate. Not that we really mind, I like the money! If they want to dole it out to us then let them!
Wednesday was spent in the field and with customers, one of them being the waterfall family. I came over to make sure everything was up to their specs and if the pool portion looked clean. Also I juggled phone calls with Luke trying to spark up a bike ride over the holidays, his wife and the kids are going to her Moms house for that weekend. He wanted to spend a little time with myself and Jacks on a short trip in the mountains. I guess that’s all a no go now since Jacks wont be attending. I’m not going into details here but we very disappointed in the whole situation.
Lori starts church camp soon; she’s been packing and unpacking her clothes all week. Not to mention that she “had” to have a new sleeping back and other gear for the trip. She’s made her list that I know of at least 5 times.
Mom is doing well; she was talking the other day how she would like to see the whole family together again. When she said “whole” family she means everyone, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, first through fourth and on in cousins. That little adventure is coming up in the second Sunday in July, something no one is going to miss.
Tomorrow is of course payday, the day I enjoy the most out of the week. Usually spent talking to everyone and making plans for the weekend, nothing on that end will change.

Ok back on earth…

The last week or so has been monster busy for me, Fridays are my “slack off “and do pay checks and time sheets day. I’ve tried my best to keep everything on a schedule.
This whole week the greenhouse has been refurbished with new plants and plant products. G and Mom still insist on a café of sorts here. No time for that, we started a water garden series, Bee decided it might be a good idea since I’ve already worked on three ponds. So, she drug herself to a few night courses to learn a little about them.
I thought I might have the pleasure of attending one class this summer but that is a no go this year. Work is booming for us all.
Lori didn’t win her tournament, too bad for her; she has hardly put any effort into the games as of late. She’s been a moody brat, so I try to keep my distance from her. Mom suggested I be easy on her for a while. G and Mom have petted and pampered her for the last 2 weeks and it shows.
Pops is back in Branson, I know this because he called last night howling at me because “one of his sons didn’t bother to see him” namely Jacks. He spent the whole weekend with Luke and his family and then thought he might move on to Jacks. The community that he lives in is gated, a blessing for him, so he has no unwanted visitors. I can understand why Jacks wants to separate himself from Pops, his harsh ridicule and rules as of late were and have been uncalled for.
He’s like I am, after a while you take and take with a smile on your face, trying to figure out why someone acts the way they do. He is a little more forgiving than I am, since I do have a short temper, you get a few shots then I close the book on you.
Mom has had a few harsh days; the heat of course is getting to her once again. She lay in bed most of Wednesday saying she’s fine but has a slight headache.
This weekend I plan on going to the boat house and checking out Trace. The weekend before the 4th is always fun.

Hot!

So the summer weather has hit us in a big time, like the gas prices of late the temperatures have hit as high.
Working outside is murder on a body, you have to take frequent water breaks and sit in the shade just to cope throughout the day. Around 2pm the water works begins to fall from the sky, a welcomed relief. This tends to cut into work even more, who wants to muck around in the rain? I guess it depends on what kind of mucking it might be.
Lori has softball tournaments this week, last night she was in a mood and just swatted at the ball while at bat. She’s the power hitter and didn’t seem to care nor pay attention. “I told you I didn’t want to play tonight mister”. Not only that, she’s getting an attitude, I let Mom deal with it I wasn’t in any mood to argue with a 9 year old.
Coming home I had another nice surprise with Pops being home, he announced he would be here until the weekend when he plans on giving his other sons a visit. First Luke and his group and then Jacks where he plans on going back to Branson to complete his project, “I want to know what is going on in my children’s lives.” Ok, that’s well and good but I’m can surely say that myself Luke or Jacks aren’t “Children” and after the events that will not be mentioned on here for Lori, she’s no longer a child as well (hence the attitude).
I hired a new office girl; I think she runs along the same game plan as the last girl. I gave her the office hours I needed her before even saying she had the job. Made sure she understood them completely and letting her know the reasoning behind why I needed her at those times. What does she do? Comes in here this morning asking if she can change her time, the girl hasn’t been here a week. I asked her if she seriously needs it and if she remembers why I needed her in the office the hours I hired her in for. “Yes, but it would be so much easier for me to come in early and leave early”. I said “You wont be happy unless we change your times right”, she nodded yes, I guess half expecting me to change them. I called Diane in, we gave her the two days pay and I’m off to find another employee. Both Cari and Diane looked at me in awe once more, guess they aren’t used to me being so stern.

Mystery of the Summer House Guest Pt.2

As promised I would dip into my Pops whereabouts and find out what is going on with all his equipment being at the inside house. All this week I left little hints to Mom about, “I think I will go check the inside house” or “Man, I really need to go over a check the house out” she didn’t give me any replies. So I assumed she didn’t know he had been living there.
Me, being the nosey kind, I have to know exactly what’s going on, so I called him. For two days he didn’t return my calls. When he did, he stated that he’s been extra busy and saw that it was from me with no 911s on the texts and assumed it wasn’t all that important. Granted it wasn’t, due to the fact that rarely do I call him, he could have figured I might need something. He informed me that the night before his flight he slept there working on another project and to not touch anything please, ok that’s just a big queue for me to go scramble his papers. I won’t, but I really would like to.
Chris was all about stalking him in hopes that he would have another woman there. He had a plan to bust into the house and then act all surprised to see it was my Pops. Chris is a total idiot and I wouldn’t put anything past him.
In my shenanigans, my Pops asked me to make sure the grass was cut and what not and check the house that it might need some painting this summer. Wonderful, now I have extra work to do, all the more reason to go shuffle some papers.
I wanted to go visit Jacks this weekend but it doesn’t look like it will pan out. I was thinking a nice long bike ride would be in order since the weather is warming up. Just before he cracks the books open for his next semester of school. I think he’s carrying a 3.76 GPA at the moment and really hasn’t opened a book, he makes me sick. This summer of course I won’t have time to work and have school and I might take the fall off to work on my house.
Lori has tournaments in her softball all next week. The other night the coaches were trying to teach her how to slightly jump up and throw the ball to get more power behind her throws. That’s been an interesting sight to see, she jumps swinging her arms up and then lands to throw. Maybe this weekend we can work on that some.

Lemmings:

You’ve heard of them right? Those people that follow others like sheep to a cliff, one sheep jumps, the rest follows with no forethought. At one time or another we have been a Lemming. I can’t say I despise them but those kinds of people aren’t my favorite. I don’t know how to take someone that acts one way with a group of people and then chums around with another group and acts differently. Isn’t there a happy medium to take?
My Pops is a notorious one, he chooses to say he’s that way for customers, I have “friends” that can easily turn into one as well, and I choose to call them acquaintances, due to the fact I don’t know which person I’m talking with.
I ran across one of these people this weekend, what I thought as “good friend” of mine blew me out of the water. His family is fairly well off but you wouldn’t know it. He’s the jeans and T-shirt, get in the mud and roll around, get greased up by any automobile type of guy. He has no pretensions of who he may be around when it comes to others status in life, which I admire in him. Just because “Joe Blow” doesn’t live in south side of town or drive the latest and greatest car, it doesn’t make him any less of a person to him, or so I thought.
Saturday my Mom was invited to a pre wedding tea and she asked if I might tag along. No big deal, sure I don’t mind dressing up for some occasions. Besides, some of my friends would be there and I like to snicker at them having to be dressed up as well. We pulled up to the house and the valet grabbed my keys and gave me the little button to hang on to, oh bother something to take care of. It wouldn’t matter so much if I lost the button but we were in my Pops Benz, I don’t know the car that well. The house was decorated to the 9s; I love old antebellum homes with the high ceilings and extra large rooms, they make for a good party house. At times wished we had the house we once lived in Nashville here, Christmases and birthday parties were off the hook. Off in one corner I saw Derek, his real name is Drake but if you call him that and you get cracked in the face. Unless you are at some fancy function, then he prefers being called Drake -- shocker.
During the tea we sat or stood around and talked to the bride and groom as they opened gifts, I walked over to a group of my friends standing on the back patio, when I heard the “airs” being given out. Just so happens one of the guys that works for me was a valet and I knew one of the girls dishing out the appetizers as well. He snarked on both of them being there as well as others, they were only working for some extra money. I stood in awe, because not last weekend he chummed around with Casey -the guy working there- on the boat house, they were thick as thieves. Moments later a remark from one of the girls standing in our group made mention of another person, just doing a job. I was ashamed to say I knew these snarker people and wondered what they may have said about me in my lawn boy or the greenhouse position.
I was ashamed of myself because I didn’t open my mouth and tell them to calm it down. I stood there, I didn’t laugh, just looking on the ground and then eased myself out of the group. A few moments later a few that was in the snarker mob came to where I was standing, apparently they felt the same as I and chose not to be a part of the flaming of others. We all stood there enjoying the day not really mentioning the fact there were some people acting a fool and their comments made.
A good fifteen minutes or more into our “New air freedom” one of the snarkers decided to join in with us, which is fine but I made my mind up it wouldn’t start over here as well. I walked into “their” group the first time, now they are in “mine”. Ten minutes into our conversation it began again, one of the original people rolled their eyes and huffed in disapproval that the silliness would commence here as well. I couldn’t take it anymore and quickly pointed out to “Drake” that he was extra chummy with one of the guys here last weekend. I didn’t want to be rude, nor cause a scene but I felt it needed to be said. Another in “my” group chimed in agreement, which made me feel a little bit better that someone had noticed it as well. Drakes’ face turned bright crimson red, he knew what he was doing and there was no need to slam anyone.
I don’t understand people like that, I know in the back of my mind those that slam others have no self confidence and to lower someone else’s self esteem makes them feel better. It’s a sad case when that does occur and I want to just tell the snarker “Its ok, we like you too” but I don’t think that would help much.
Anyway, my feelings for “Drake” have changed forever; his true colors have emerged for me. It’s a shame when you have to say goodbye and cut yourself off from another but it happens. Be it for your own self happiness or what ever reason, I feel better about myself now.