Women….

Yeah, I’ve seen a few….that is from a line in a movie but I have been noticing them lately and the phone message from Amy yesterday made me think.
Amy has an allotted time she can call me each day, this way I’m sure not to miss her phone call, it insures that I get my lunch in and breaks up my day. Sometimes she doesn’t quiet make the time frame and I miss out, like yesterday she must have called early, so she left a message to tell me she’s getting her hair done and then about 3 hours later she calls me back to say she’s finished!
3 hours! What did they do, clip each hair individually? Really, I don’t know what they actually had done, we haven’t spoken as of yet, but three hours sitting in a chair to have someone work on your head is remarkable in patience.
Cari sits at her desk quietly then pungent aroma waifs across the room it’s her fingernail polish. How on earth she can stand the smell, let alone taking that tiny brush and painting her nails is a feat in its self. Some days I know she chips her nails on purpose to get that stink flowing in the air.
Diane has this gadget that looks like it would clean a mini toilet; she pokes it into a tube and dares to stroke along her eyelashes. I have to say that’s a disaster in the making.
Bee was telling me of her twice monthly rituals -- waxing. Now I knew that plucking eyebrows was painful and high heeled shoes are dangerous but come on, waxing? Letting some one, a stranger at that drips hot wax on your tender parts, then letting it cool to rip it off removing hair at the roots. Who would ever think to do this and why! The places they put the wax scares me.
Not to mention the more major procedures like breast augmentation and liposuction and botox, now there’s a good one, letting someone jab a needle in tight skinned places and inject you with a bacteria!
You ladies need to be congratulated and honored and praised for the heroic efforts you put into your beautification routines. However, I’m not stupid, you don’t do it for us guys!! You do it for the other ladies, I hear the “Did you see what so and so had on, that has to be after a week of clown college” or the “Oh my God, her hairline is so obvious it looks like Moses has parted the colors” –nods and whispers- I’ve been privy to your secrets ladies and its OUT.