Have you ever just want to say…

“Jump straight up my ass” to someone? Today would be the day for me, in this mornings meeting with the picky country club lady. I came with an open mind, I slept well the night before, after having dinner with Trace and Michelle and a movie. However, if I see Wolverine one more time I might howl, spare me that movie now, and torture me with anything --- the Hanna Montana movie please!
Back to the lady – she was over forty minutes early, how do I know this? One of the waitresses told me as I walked in 10 minutes early myself. She promptly scolded me for being late, in which defense mode clicked in and asked her to check her appointment book to see our blocked set time… I won that battle.
We chose, I should say SHE chose a table away from traffic and large enough for me to lay out plans and explain in detail our ideas. Before I began my spiel with her, making it perfectly clear all of this was already agreed upon and if there was something she didn’t like she would have to talk to the rest of the committee about the changes. I think that statement blew in one ear and out the other.
Starting light, we sorted through the plants and the arrangements of them. I could have said every plant indigenous to the southern Georgia coastal area and possibly every plant in her yard she wouldn’t have approved of them. Holding my breath I let her give me her suggestions and wrote them down, she actually wanted me to mark up my plans to show the new changes. I did, but still stated that she would have to direct this all to the rest of the counsel not that I would change them until their approval.
We moved on to some more of the deeper end issues like the pool area and tennis court and landing point for the golf areas. Wanting loose gravel near the pool and tennis courts was a given “No No”, but making her understand the reasoning’s why was near impossible. After the third time of me explaining the pool guy would literally hunt me down and shoot after having to clean the filter every day because Jr. thinks its fun to watch the pebbles go “ploop” in the pool She mumbled that children shouldn’t be allowed in the club in the first place.
Materials used was another hill to climb with her, when I do estimates for projects I go out myself and find the cost of each item and include that in my final price, just as anyone else would do. She didn’t like the stores I was purchasing from…..there again trying to keep an open mind I let her give me suggestions.
After what seemed to be a week of her rambling on of “In my day” one liners we decided to take the meeting outside “so that I may take some notes for my changes” I bit my lip and followed her out of doors. She pointed and prodded to areas that were not even discussed, like the parking lot, the actual golf course, we were just trying to make the general public recreational areas more up to date and useable.
I’m not sure if she was dozing during the past meetings before or was in a semi comatose fog during them because none of this was ever discussed, not that I wouldn’t like to add them in. I was tired of her telling me “You’re doing it wrong” over and over.
After the fourth time of me telling her she would have to talk to the rest of the committee she might have been getting the point when we happened upon one of the other members. I exhaled long and hard when they explained why only certain areas were to be upgraded; it seemed to have stuck in her head that time.
After nearly four hours of her picking and prodding our plans and insisting we use hers, I was about to throw her into the pool, which just so happens to be empty. The chairman walked upon us, I guess getting ready to have his lunch, when he noticed the flustered look on my face. He decided to save me and invite the picky lady to dine with him and saving her a fate of seeing the bottom of the pool. She wanted me to give all my notes to him in which I eagerly did and said if you make any “improvements” to please give me a call and clue me in.
I walked out the same way I entered and the waitress that warned me smiled and said she was glad to see I was still alive. As I exited the grounds and entered the highway I blasted my radio and cussed so loud I’m sure people in South Carolina could hear me……..