Still here

Its been a good 45 minutes now G has gone for her procedure, they are doing some stints on her. I'm not sure just how I feel at the moment. I worry of course and I pray in the back of my mind. How should one feel? Do I act the tough guy or do I let my emotions run rampant?
I want to run, my nerves are shattered and I don't seem to want to focus, every cart that rambles down the hall I'm in hopes shes on it smiling.
She looked so scared as they wheeled her out. Eyes a bit watery and red wanting to hold back her own tears. She bit her bottom lip and semi looked away. I knew if she looked at us she might loose it.
Heaven forbid we lose her or something doesn't go just right. She truly is the glue and pillar in the family.
Some random nurse just rolled in a blood pressure meter and wants to change her bed linens.....
Times like this do you ever want a redo in life? Maybe to give that hug when the other guys were looking or the kiss on the cheek.
Maybe to let them listen to that old music and pretend to enjoy it. I don't know, sometimes grandparents bend over backwards for us and we don't see it. They are old and their hearts and feelings can be tender.
Im scrolling back on this post and thinking youre mad flipping crazy and nothings making sense.
From my post a while back I said we need to learn to bob a weave. I'm doing just that.